You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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