Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
