she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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