Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
