my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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