great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
