just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have post one night stand depression
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
