hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
