Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
