found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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