I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
