I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
In America we eat man semen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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