either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
