I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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