he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
there is glitter all over my balls
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
