i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
