Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
