Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
