this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
