SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
