She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
