John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
