I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So squirting runs in the family.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
