If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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