Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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