so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
