I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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