Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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