I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
