Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
