I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
