just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
