i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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