my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
