At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
