is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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