why do cheetos always look like penises
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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