You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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