Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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