I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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