i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
