Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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