Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
