omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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