im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
