I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
