There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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