I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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