My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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