it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
