i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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