apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize