Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How external is "for external use only"?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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