Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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