i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
