DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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