Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
