I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
