A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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