Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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