The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
