Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
