i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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