Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
