Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
